You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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