I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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