This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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