if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
