totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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