And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
