Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
