Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
