Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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