Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
