oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
