My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
