I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
