Someone shit on the floor
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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