Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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