You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
