Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
