he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
