I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize