You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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