FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
