U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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