Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
where am i from again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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