The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
