You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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