we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize