maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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