yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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