bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
COCAINE IS GR8
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
