we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
