Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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