That's intense
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
