fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize