She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
