Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
