I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
