Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
