They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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