I could make wine with my vomit
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
