im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
