There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
