you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
