This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
