I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
