did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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