Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
