HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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