im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
