I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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