she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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