In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
