we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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