Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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