So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
