I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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