ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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