apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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