Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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