when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
