am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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