I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
