i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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