You're completely useless in the revolution.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
