Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
