Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
