my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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