I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
