You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
