I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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