shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
