Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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