dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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