so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
