apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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