no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize