dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
